... your friend would think to call you to go to a movie with the group of 6 girls who went.. . just like they think to call you to ask for help transporting their child to/from summer camp? daily. for a week. (that one hurt... ow.)
... you could win the lottery like those people in those small towns who buy a ticket at a dirt-road-side gas station? it doesn't have to be $52 million or anything obnoxious. $10 million would do. or $5 mill. I am not greedy. really. I'm actually too cheap to buy a lottery ticket.
... your kids would sleep the full 11 hours 'necessary' each night? The experts say they should.
... everyone had a Mac? they rule.
... the man who lives behind you would stop peeking over the top of the wall we share as common property? Makes it a bit uncomfortable when you are walking naked across the house and he happens to see you. Take a good long look, buddy!
... your toilet wouldn't clog?... you have a couple good days of bowel movements and the plumbing cant keep up with the flow of things. We eat fiber, but I'm just saying.
... you could get your ass to bed at 9pm, as you have planned all day, instead of looking at the clock at 12 midnight, asking yourself. "what the hell happened?"
... you didn't hear noises outside at 11pm? or inside. when its dark. everywhere.
... you didn't have to fight over the arm rest on the airplane? why cant it be bigger.. or have two of them.. smaller. everyone wants their own space. who ever gets there first, owns it. just don't move your elbow from it.
... you could meet meet Brad Pitt and slap him? his face..... or his ass. I am not picky.
... your girlfriend was hot like me? listen here
... plants grew faster? not like bamboo-faster... but.. just faster.
... your friend didn't stand between you and the propped up video camera when you gave birth to your second child? Her purple shirt filled the screen for 5 minutes. (it was a quick delivery.. lucky, I know) and it was the perfect coming-out angle. missed.
... I could cook? I do.
... Seinfeld was still on as a regular show? I have memorized all the lines in The Bee Movie. not by choice. and not that I don't like it. I do. But the boys watch it in the car. over and over.. and over again. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I just had a couple things I wanted to say. I am done now.
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