How to Make Friends

Dear Miss Thang... 

You are fairly new to he neighborhood.... and I can understand that because you work full-time, it must be challenging to find opportunities to attend various social functions in which you can engage in female, adult conversation.  Being a single mom of 2 doesn't help, I am sure....   You have challenges I cannot imagine having..  so I should cut you some slack.

But the next time you are invited to a little girls-night-out-get-together where you only know 2 of the 15 people attending, I strongly suggest that you either, (a) ask questions of those who are at the social function WITH you.... not FOR you... ya' know, find people who share common interests as you, someone who has 2-3 kids.. maybe the same age as yours.. or there could be a gal who is from your home town.... but guess what?.. you never know unless you ASK!...  and/or (b) don't spend every breath you have talking about yourself.  I know all about the last 3 men in your life, and how all the relationships started AND ended, where you lived from 1993 up to your current address, and the details of your childhood from age 6-14...   and note, I didn't have to ask you for any of this information.

Your first encounter with new people, or at any social gathering for that matter, should not be a therapy session....it really does not make a good impression.  Save it for the couch time with Dr. Feel Good. Next time, maybe start with some more approachable..safe topics.... like where you are from, how long have you been here, what brought you here, how many kids do you have.. their names and ages...  ya' know, basic conversational starters.  Its amazing where these will take you.   

After hearing you ramble on and off for 2+ hours about the potentially scandalous relationship at work that you ache to have blossom, and how the father of your children, who lives 10 states away, is a complete a-hole, its no wonder you couldn't remember the names of 3 of us when we saw you at the park later that week.... Every conversation that started at that party some how ended up back on you, and the trauma that was inflicted on you... in some way shape or form. The first 1-2 "let me share my story" stories were OK.. everyone is entitled to share, to participate.... but after the 15th one, I was wondering if there was any alcohol in the cocktails, because no matter how many I had,  I could still hear you talking. 

I'm gonna let you in on a couple secrets.. because I am nice like that. First, if you want to make friends, ask them questions.. ALOT of questions. They may not ask any back, but know that is OK .. as they will walk away feeling good about YOU because you let THEM feel good about themselves.. people feel good when they get to talk about themselves and people listen (but you know this already)... Second, smile!  Everyone loves to be around someone who is happy.. or at least LOOKS happy.   If you continue to frown when you talk, and even when you don't, people are gonna think you are pissy.   Third, learn some names, for goodness sakes. At least the name of the hostess throwing the party that you are attending.. paa-lease!  Lastly, when you leave the party and are saying goodbye to a new person, recap a tid-bit you learned about that person as you say farewell.  For example,  "Jane, I cant believe we grew up in the same town!  I would love to swap childhood stories!".... of course, when you DO end up getting together with her, the same rules apply.. ASK QUESTIONS ... and listen. 

If you really feel that you have a hard time NOT talking about yourself, or you lack time to engage with others, or even the energy to make new friends face to face, then go blog yourself. 

Have a nice day.